005.

Part of depression (or mine, I should say) 
is that you don't take care of yourself. 

I've seen myself as lacking lately. 
Lacking in good decisions. Lacking in self-esteem. Lacking in efforts towards healthy decisions and behaviors. 

Tonight, I took a shower. 
Not out of necessity but out of want. 
I usually take showers in the morning. 

As I lathered up the shower poof with my favorite coconut body wash, I wondered what it would be like to wash myself of this. Instead of the dust, dirt, and oils of the day, what if I were washing off the acts done upon me? 

I wish that I could rid myself of this. 
Scrub every speck of the event off my skin. 
Erasre every intuition that this truly occurred. 

As I got out of the shower, I put an extra bit of moisturizer on my face, massaging instead of rubbing. 
I coiled the cotton fabric around my coconut coated curls. Dipped my fingers into my favorite Palo Santo body lotion, and realized...I deserve to treat myself like a queen. 

I don't know how this journey will end, if I'll ever get to true healing or not. Some days are hell. Some days I just barely get through. But there are moments. Moments like tonight, when I see my beauty. When I realize I have been made in the image of the divine themselves, and I am worthy of love. Not just love, but righteous love, divine love. 

I hope you feel these moments too, beloveds. 

A. 

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